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Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: Rule Six I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
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If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Rule Eight The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops with spaghetti straps, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine Do not lie to me.
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