#84 The Dating Challenges of High Net-Worth Individuals with Amy Andersen
Posts about Amy andersen matchmaker written by linxdating. hopping on a last minute plane to Australia, or organizing a high profile group trip to Cuba, . Celebrity Matchmaker CEO Matchmaker Linx Dating Palo Alto Dating Servi, Bernal. Today we have Amy Andersen as a guest. She's the head of Linx Dating. It's a company she founded 12 years ago, which matchmakes eligible and high. Linx Dating founder Amy Andersen has helped hundreds of employees from Apple, Facebook.
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I appreciate all your help. My husband uses, to great effect, literature and movies in his Stanford courses on entrepreneurship and leadership because those topics have so much to do with people and even fictional material like movies or books allow a whole class to experience the same people and situations with their diverse real life lenses and to have a productive discussion about all of it. I believe the same thing applies in improving in your artistic dating skills. On a lighter note, I also did a quick wardrobe consult for one client this week.
This year old entrepreneur needed some nice dress shirts, a sport coat, and some pants that were alternatives to jeans. He mentioned that he had a gift certificate to Nordstrom so I headed over there and spent a hour pulling a few select items for him with the help of one of their personal shoppers.
I think my client will be pleased with my picks — classic yet with a youthful modern twist- Hugo Boss, AG pants, J Brand pants, and a few dress shirts too. Beyond all of the coaching this week, we also have screenings for new prospective clients, a couple of new client interviews, and… drumroll… a Dutch media company visiting Linx this week, flying out from the Netherlands to meet with me. Germany has always had a love affair with Linx and Silicon Valley but perhaps the Dutch are catching the virus as well.
He's the alpha-client and that type of guy, Linx has the option of getting photos. So, with her permission, I would show photos just for his viewing to see if she's somebody that he'd be interested in potentially meeting. So, that's the fun thing, kind of the icing on the cake for being a VIP client is you do get photos.
So, what is the difference between a VIP client and a standard client? The difference is between VIP and a standard client, VIP is basically somebody who says, "I want you, Amy Andersen, where ever you go in your life to be constantly looking out for me for the perfect match, for that "needle in a haystack" match who might not be in your existing roster of female clients.
So, whether I'm in line at a coffee shop, if I'm at a networking event, if I'm at a dinner party, if I'm having a conversation over a casual lunch with a friend, I'm constantly thinking about that guy and putting it out there in the ether that I'm representing this type. If anybody that I know or that I encounter could be that perfect match.
It's really about exercising a lot of options and casting a super wide net and in some cases, an international net. I have international VIP clients who live in multiple cities and don't want to just limit their search to women in the Bay Area. So, it's being really strategic and smart about things.
So, I'm guessing that's more like a more personal service? So, it's like a high price point? Mm-hmm, it definitely is. They're also getting prep techniques. We're doing sometimes the date coaching that can be a really big one to prepare them for their different dateswardrobe consultation, I serve as their romantic concierge, I'm doing all their reservations, bookings, sometimes travel accommodations, making their experience completely effortless so, they don't have to think about anything.
They literally show up to the date and hopefully, have a fantastic time and I've done all the logistics in between for them. Great, that makes it easier to generate romance. What kind of price-points are we talking about here for the normal service versus the VIP? For the VIP type of membership again, completely customized, we might narrow down the number of matches but, usually, we'd be doing about ten introductions over the two years, prep techniques, I'm their romance concierge often.
I'm orchestrating a cocktail party on their behalf and bringing in a room of beautiful women for them to meet and mingle with.
Okay great so, you've got some [inaudible]. Do you do a lot of those cocktail parties or is that kind of like once three times a year? Yeah, it depends on the client. Usually, I would do that one time for the client as a way for him to just meet and mingle with people. I work with a lot of people who are new to the Bay Area.
Let's say, for somebody who's relocated and knows nobody. This can be all of a sudden your ticket to meeting people and filling up your social calendar, romantically but, also meeting some people professionally too through my larger events that I do that are called "Linx and Drinks" and these are great networking events. So, a lot of deal flow happens professionally from these events.
It can be very good for people too who have relocated here just to meet people. Could you give us any ideas of what kind of stick rates I don't know what you call it but, the people who have been set up together, how often is it that they have to go to eight dates because, I can image that Right, here's the thing, often when people start this process, they are ready.
They don't want to waste time. It's like super, super results-orientated. Usually, on the very first or second, maybe the third introduction, then they're finding those results and they end up in a mini or more significant relationship. Yes so, do you think it's the mindset then that makes a big difference there?
I think timing is everything. That's another big thing in the prospect stage as I'm doing the meet-and-greet, if I sense that somebody's one foot into the process, one foot out because, it's just not the right timing then, it's just not the right timing and we're not going to work together until it is the right timing. So yes, I do find that timing is kind of everything. So, when they come in here, they're really ready.
They're just done with dating and they just want to meet somebody great. So usually, they do enter into that relationship in the earlier stages. That being said, this can be a process for some people where they are still learning considerably about themselves.
How do I feel chemistry? Am I feeling chemistry right now with her? I don't really know. So, that would be potentially six years? Yeah, potentially six years and that's okay. They get frustrated and I get frustrated for them because, I want them to find that lasting connection but, it can take time.
Sometimes, they're not necessarily in the right frame of mind or just maybe they're distracted or they're wanting it sometimes, many years in like that so bad that it becomes a forced situation and when a woman senses that it's kind of forced You can't force romance. That's a good point. I'm guessing for guys Do you find that men have something similar in terms of a time window? I kind of do for some of my older clients. Some of the guys I'm working with who are in their 50s, they really get frustrated.
I have one client who emailed me this morning and he gave his feedback and he had a lovely first date but, not a romantic spark there. I've probably set him up 40 times, Yeah and he just keeps doing the first date thing.
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It's really hard for him to get to date two but, I also think it can be a lot of his behavior on the date where he acts like this old fogies. These women are like, "What the heck? This guy is my grandpa. Seriously Amy, nice guy and everything but, he's just acting kind of old. He has an older energy about him. So, I guess sometimes the 50s where somebody who has come out of a divorce and they are the type who wants to be back in a relationship, the dating world can be incredibly overwhelming and daunting especially, if they had a long marriage.
Maybe they've come out of a 15, 20, 30 year marriage, it's a different game. So, that type of person definitely can really just have that kind of anxiety fueling them. Like, "Let's make this happen already," and that just doesn't necessarily work because, whoever he's out with is going to be able to pick up on that anxiety driving and just sense that it's not happening as it should be naturally.
He's trying to force romance in that relationship. I can see that happening. Okay so, have we've covered all of the biggest challenges you come across with men or are there some kind of others that stand out as well that come up, these kind of the patterns, the commonalities where some men are struggling more than other and going on more of these dates versus, one, two or three?
Exactly and I think everybody is completely different where some are very successful and they literally just have one date and then that's it.
They end up marrying her. I'm going to a wedding in October where, it's his very first and her first introduction. So, that worked great and others are definitely a process. It's a process where then, they're coming into my office and we're chatting and I'm trying to get calibrated and really understand and get into their head and just figure out what is going on and maybe taking a pause.
Sometimes, this can be really overwhelming especially, if he was in a relationship through my introduction and it did not end up netting in anything long term. Maybe, she was the one who wanted to break up. Let's take a pause on this.
Let's freeze your membership. Take a step back and then get back into the game when he feels reenergized and vibrant again, ready to meet somebody new. Great, great thank you for that. The grass is always greener and I had no idea what the BBD until I was on a date with a guy that I really had a huge crush on and I was totally smitten and staring at him.
Like, "Oh my gosh, could he be the one, hopefully amongst all these guys I've had first dates with? I think it was maybe our sixth date or something. So, it was going pretty well and all of a sudden, he was looking over my shoulder and not even looking at me. I said, "Do you see somebody here?
He said, "No, just the BBD. What are you talking about the BBD? I just couldn't believe it. So, I am anti-bigger-better-deal but, the thing is, it happens all the time especially in the Bay Area where there's just so many choices.
Then, they want Tootsie Rolls. Then, they want a Milky Way bar and just want more, more, more because, they just can't make up their mind and there's just so much of a variety and sometimes, too much variety which confuses people.
Many people, a lot of my clients tell me just this terrible date stories that they go on and usually they will have experienced a lot of that visa vi online dating or just meeting people at parties or bars or what not and have that same experience that just really bums them out. Then, they're like, "I need a change in my life, Amy.
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Right, right, I'm guessing that's something that you screen out in your questionnaires and interviews pretty early. Maybe it fits with something that I've seen over time is that, the more experience that men have, the higher quantity and the variety of partners they've had in the past, I find that they want to settle down less over time.
I don't know if that's something that you've seen also? I think that sometimes the guy who's dated a lot and had a lot of partners, at some point, he gets burned out at the game.
He's just kind of ready. He's like, "Okay, I've had X number of partners and I've dated a ton. I've been kind of the playboy. Nobody can predict when this happens because, he has to be ready but, it does happen.
There's some girl that just completely captures his attention and he's smitten and he's over the mood and he's done. He's just like, "Okay" he's off the market but, there's that very uncertain opening in his life that window is open and whoever is in front of him who's captured his attention then, that window closes very quickly. I find that because, I have a lot of these great clients of mine.
I mean, major catches who were dating a bunch, and a lot of people questioned, "Is he ever going to settle down? They're like, "Okay, now I'm in my mids, lates. I have basically everything I want in my life. I have the job. I have the cars. I have the vacation house. I've shagged every hot girl there is but, I want something more. They're looking for some more substance.
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Maybe he wants to be a dad and he's like, "Okay, a lot of my buddies are settling down" and all of a sudden the light goes off in his head and these things become really attractive.
He's like, "Hmm, I kind of want this for this phase, this new chapter in my life, the sequel to my previous party days. He doesn't want to be alone when he's in his 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, however long he's going to live for. Great, thanks for that. It's good to hear a counter-point.
I'm glad to see some guys settling down. It's one of the things I've seen also, even if they settle down, I think sometimes the marriage doesn't work out. He has difficulties with being faithful. Those kinds of situations even when he's decided that he's decided that it's time for the marriage. Just something I've kind of noticed over time. Have you come across any downsides to matchmaking versus other approaches or potentially situations, people it's not right for?
Of course, you've already talked about the specific people you try to screen out but, are there any other downsides that people should be aware of? They're like, "Oh, this might be interesting for me. It might be a good fight for me. Yeah, maybe it's not right for you if all you do is work, work, work.
I think, I would probably screen somebody out to not work with somebody if that person's a complete workaholic and has no balance in their life because, I think they get very frustrated and working with Linx because, this certainly is a service for people that are looking for that marriage and that next major life step, being a relationship.
Somebody might not want to work with Linx if maybe they don't like working with people. The fact that you work with a team of people and it's a very humanistic approach. You're dealing with people on the backend versus a computer. Maybe somebody who is just I guess people have to be pretty open with you. How much depth does the questioning go into because, I think a lot of things people put in online dating profiles can be relatively shallow.
If I look a lot of dating profiles, they're very shallow. Your process is something more like psycho-therapy, right? You walk in and you're supposed to say, "Really, this is what's going on with me.
Certainly, somebody who is not comfortable being open because, they're just incredibility guarded or private or just ashamed to open up about their past or what they're looking for or whatever it is or the skeletons in their closet, whatever it is. So, that person might be just too fearful of the process.
I mean, just really having to be open because, at the end of the day, the more vulnerable and open my client is with me, the better I can do for him. If he's kind of hedging, guarding, if he's just too private and just not allowing me to peel back those layers then, I'm never going to get to know him and I ultimately can't figure out who he's going to click with. When somebody just kicks back on my couch as I encourage them to do and just have a conversation with me and know that this process is not like an interview.
It's really an enjoyable relaxing conversation. I'll pour him a glass of wine. He can just chill out and just talk to me about what he's looking for and we can have a laugh about it and talk about the deal breakers. He doesn't have to be worried about this but, it's not for everybody. He has to make sure he's comfortable opening up and he's willing to divulge things about his personal life so we can best help him.
Great, great thank you. One of the concerns I was thinking some guys might have is that they'd be worried about gold diggers, basically. Women specific are looking for money and it's not the romance and that kind thing. Is that a concern guys bring up with you and has that situation come up before or are there specific ways you make sure that that kind of thing doesn't happen?
Well, a lot of guys will be very concerned about that when they're dating on their own, especially a lot of these techie guys who have just made a killing in their careers, sometimes at a very young age and its found wealth and it's all overwhelming and exciting and daunting. Often in social situations, you may be there going to the bar or to a club one night with a bunch of guys and so they do bottle service and they have like great fancy bottles of vodka and champagne and all that and attract a certain group of women through that setting.
Usually, those types of women are not going to be the ones who are with him for the right reasons. Those ones are going to be the gold digger types who are kind of really attracted to the excess and the spending and the lavishness but.
Maybe about a year or so and then get pretty burnt out on that and then come to me saying, "I'm tending to attract these women" and I'm asking him, "Well, where are you finding those women? So, he's really looking for a way to meet high-caliber women who often are kind of like him, not only high-net-worth too but somebody who's going to have a really strong foundation, like a good background, somebody education, somebody who has good values and frankly, it's not going to be mesmerized by, in some cases, the world that he lives in.
Because, for a lot of people, it's like, "Wow, you have a private plane. So, they definitely come to me saying, "Amy, I'm hiring you because of the feting and because you can filter out the wrong type and really align values from the beginning for me and protect me.
That makes sense because, they do the same in business. She worked in high tech and was in a relationship, but many of her boyfriend's buddies were not. They had high-powered careers, were high achievers with advanced degrees and fat paychecks, but the question they kept asking her was: In San Francisco and Marin County, Andersen's network of equally high-powered women friends had the same lament.
There weren't any eligible bachelors. So Andersen decided to bridge the gap. She put together her business plan, immersed herself in research and set up Linx in Linx clients are a rarified group, however. Prospective clients are carefully vetted, undergoing a rigorous application process and face-to-face interview, she said.
Old World matchmaking is combined with networking and concierge services that can include everything from wardrobes to grooming and confidence coaching. The business has active clients ranging in age from 23 to 67, with a median age of 33 for women and 39 to 40 for men.
Most are professionals -- in health care, technology, private equity and entrepreneurs -- "creative types," she said.